Year Ender

2011. What a year. I really can't describe it in one word or even one sentence. But I can divide it in four parts just like the usual quarter but the number of months are not equal. I would say that I both have an equal share of happy and sad days, battled intrapersonal issues and faced anxiety head strong, this time no longer avoiding it like I'm playing dodge ball.

The First Part: January to April

Riding from the awesomeness of 2010, I started the year with positive vibes yet with a pinch of anxiety and uncertainty. However because I was still high from the previous year I did not let that impending feeling get to me and I was also distracted from the busy and exhausting duty days of OB-Gyne. But that was the time I really learned a lot and polished my skills and know how of the said subject. Sinulog came and it was epic! We got drunk in the rain and partied like any Sinulog reveler would - hardcore.

To distract myself, I usually go out for a movie or just watch one at home or go out, drink and play Trivia with my friends - both old and new.

March, my biggest triumph was changing other people's perception of me. Then the summer came. I knew it will be that last, I just don't know why, but despite the aborted yet promised summer getaway with my medical school barkada, I rebounded by spending a memorable summer with my fellow post graduate interns which consisted of a road trip to Mantayupan falls, the glamorous Mafia Wars themed photo shoot, a medical mission in Pilar, Camotes with a stop over at Ormoc City, karaoke after party and a day of island hopping.

And yes, PGI year ended with a high note. And I started to miss my eleven colleagues whom I got to know really really well.

The Second Part: May to July

This has been the most boring period of my life thus far. All I did was eat, study, eat, study, eat and sleep. Life became so routine that I had to spice it up by working out and restricting calories in my diet. It resulted to losing ten pounds and looking like an emaciated malnourished kid. I'd sometimes occasionally sneak out to have a night of carefree fun or by watching movies. This was the slowest part of the year. Enough said. And yes I also had a sort of falling out with some closest friends but right now we are fixing it now. And one month before my exams unfortunately some drama has risen and threatened to destroy something important but I fought back and every thing is at least almost back to normal, it seems.

The Third Part: August to September

This was the turning point. August came and I took the board exams and passed. The feeling of euphoria cannot be quantified by any scale. It lasted for about two weeks. I took a flight to Manila, pigged out, walked around, finally went to Bicol and tried wakeboarding in Camarines Sur and saw Mayon Volcano in Albay up close. When the euphoria died down, it was replaced by an even greater anxiety of magnanimous proportions. I was so overwhelmed and at the same time disappointed of some circumstances that were not in my control. As a result I relapsed back to binge eating, imbibing too much alcohol and felt so lost to the point that I don't know what to to do or how to move forward.

September came and the anxiety continued. I turned to hanging out with my trivia buddies, documentaries on TV, music, booze and sleeping late to get me through the day and week. I was engulfed by the fear of the uncertainty and being broke. I had my oath taking and did not even bring my parents to the event because at that time I did not feel worthy. The weekend after the ceremony, I traveled with my good friend Rona to Cagayan de Oro City and Bukidnon and that did wonders. It cleared my head and I finally was able to shake off all the bad vibes. I went back to Cebu after a weekend of motorcycle ridin', ziplinin', zorbing, and white water raftin' with a new perspective. Then I got a job.

The Fourth Part: October to December

And I finally started working which was swell. I regained my self esteem back and distracted my self while working. I met new and interesting people as well. I now know how it feels to be working for a good for nothing agency which does not give our paychecks on time. But still I stuck around because there was no other option and I had some freedom as well despite the maltreatment. Then the hospital I applied for a residency called and I took the examinations. And still waiting for results of whether I got in or not. And because of this the anxiety, self-doubt and uncertainty came back with a vengeance. This time I felt like a loser, made for myself a low maintenance comfort zone.

November came and I continued pretending. There were some days in which I had to drag my ass out of bed, put on a smile for everyone but deep inside I was feeling empty and unfulfilled. Alcohol filled the gap two to three times a week. I've embodied self confidence yet my heart was self loathing.

For the holidays I began to change and saw the silver lining of what I have been going through. Through family, close friends and a very close friend whom I've had a talk who was and is currently in the same state as me made me realize there is indeed more to life. And the year ended with a bang, as I've had the time of my life during my tenth year high school reunion. It made me realize how good to be alive and for that I should be thankful.

Overall if this year were plotted on a graph, the contrast between the highs and the lows will result in a scattered diagram. It was indeed a colorful year and maybe I did not love it as much as 2010 because not every thing I wanted went my way. For 2010 I did not even summon the Universe to conspire with me it was just given. But right now I am in my late twenties and I should be more open to possibilities, just take it easy and just relax. Enjoy life. Splurge a bit. And just wait, in God's time, it will happen. Every time I am threatened by failure I shouldn't dig a hole and curl up in fetal position. And I should stop comparing myself to other people. I will try my hardest. I am also disappointed at myself for not completing my bucket list. I made ten last summer but I was only able to do four. I lost my zest for it. I will try to complete it this year. And add more.

I will not do any resolutions as I've learned that you can just do one anytime of the year, not necessarily on the first day of the year. I am looking forward to a better, brighter and more awesome 2012 cheers!

Inspired by Stephen King, here are my Top 20 of the Year (A mix of music, movies, TV and pop culture), in random order.

1.) Foster The People and their "Torches" Album
2.) Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
3.) Mildred Pierce Mini Series
4.) Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
5.) Adele and her "21" album
6.) The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins
7.) Hidden Cities on History Channel
8.) Drive
9.) Prince William and Kate Middleton's Royal Wedding
10.) Roger Federer - for still proving to us tennis fans that he still got it!
11.) Novak Djokovic - for an amazing year in tennis, a superstar in the making
12.) Dallas Mavericks - for the best upset of the year
13.) The Kennedy's Miniseries
14.) X-Men First Class
15.) Rise of the Planet of the Apes
16.) Katy Perry and her "Teenage Dream" album
17.) Bridesmaids
18.) The Millennium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson
19.) The Hangover 2
20.) Flavored yogurts

The 100th

Its about time I should say. Finally after three years and three months, this is it, my one hundredth post. When a TV show has reached its one hundredth episode a party is held in honor because reaching 100 episodes (that's about five seasons) is an amazing feat. A milestone to be cherished.

This blog became a witness to the events unfolding of my quite pathetic life, really starting when I was twenty four. I was in junior year in medical school, insecure but not showing it to my classmates, lost and confused and it feels like I am behind a waterfall - everything is blurry right in front of me. Career plans, options, medical jargon and life in general that time. In a way this blog has help me overcome all of those things.

Speaking of milestones, here are some of those unforgettable moments that I have experienced in between those one hundred entries.

1.) My internship which I really had huge doubts and was anticipating it to go downhill but it was not as bad as it initially seems. It was a year of learning, a test of patience and perseverance and pushing yourself to the limits. I have fond memories of it, but I would not do it over again.

2.) My parents renewed their vows on their silver wedding anniversary. At first they just wanted to travel abroad and spend time together but at the last minute, six weeks before the date, they then decided to do a renewal of vows ceremony. Despite the short notice, it was a solemn ceremony. And simple too - a trait my parents have embodied for the past twenty five years.

3.) My medical school graduation. And yes graduating from medical school with a majority of your sanity intact is no easy task. And studying to become a doctor leaves behind some neurotic tendencies.

4.) My post graduate internship, one of the best months of my life. One year full of learning, meeting new and interesting people, gaining confidence and further development of clinical skills and knowledge. Plus doing all those hectic duties, overwhelming workloads while having loads of fun. I could not ask for more. All I have of this magnificent year is good and unforgettable memories.

5.) The board examinations and all the drama, blood, sweat and tears. Honestly it was the most boring three months of my life. I would prefer having some action and then studying instead of just reading pages after pages of thick medical books. But I have to put this in here because looking back one lesson learned from this daunting three months was if you put your mind and heart into it and show the universe with all your effort it shall be done!

6.) And passing the medical board examinations and finally getting my license. It was very euphoric as if you are walking on clouds. Though most of my classmates consider this the highlight of the year, and I think I should but in my case being alive and healthy this year tops that. And yeah, I did not like the feeling when the gears switched to anxiety, followed by uncertainty.

7.) Having my first paying job and with this I got to realize how hard it is to earn nowadays.

And for the past 36 months I've been tested and tried, I stumbled, fell and got up with more bruises and cuts, I've met new people and formed relationships and traditions with them, I rekindled with old friends and strengthen those bonds making them stronger that covalent bonds, I've drifted with people, some I have cut off from my life, I've made peace with the Universe, I've come to appreciate family more, I got a thicker skin, I've grasped a whole lot of information but mostly trivial, I've learned things mostly the hard way.

In between victories and defeat, friends and enemies, fights and make ups, falling outs and career options, happy days and alcohol filled nights, highs and lows, ups and downs, clarity and uncertainty, this blog grew with me. All these things mentioned tied up together makes up my so called life. I have a love hate on and off relationship with it but I am trying to embrace it. And hey isn't those things make up what is life about? Cheers to the Good Life!

I wonder which milestones will happen as I go onwards to my two hundredth post?

2001

It will be my ten year high school reunion in two days. I have been excited with this event since high school graduation (really) and I have been playing over and over in my mind how it will turn out. But as the day got closer I am starting to lose the giddy feeling. Yeah I am that preoccupied on something. But nonetheless since I was and still is looking forward to this day I will get my child like enthusiasm back.

2001 was the year I graduated from high school. Ten years. And now it never seemed like yesterday. Because it was indeed not so yesterday. But I never get that "parang kailan lang" feeling anymore that I used to. A lot of things has happened personally and also for the rest of mankind.

Here are some of the random memories I have of that year.

1.) It was the year of the Snake. I had a cousin, Therese who was born a month before high school graduation.
2.) The minimum fare in the jeepneys was four pesos, now it's seven pesos and fifty cents but the drivers don't have fifty cents change so you'd end up paying eight pesos. Sci-Hi to Ayala, you pay six pesos, now you pay ten pesos.
3.) A movie ticket costs thirty five pesos for deluxe and forty pesos for premiere. And SureSeats.com was non existent. Now admission prices range from one hundred sixty to two hundred pesos.
4.) Two hundred pesos gets you a movie, a meal at a fast food joint, arcade tokens and games from Timezone. Now it only gets you a movie and jeepney fare.
5.) There was no SRP yet so it takes about almost an hour to get to Talisay on heavy traffic. Now it's about fifteen minutes.
6.) The World Trade Center Towers were still standing in New York
7.) When I graduated the average peso dollar exchange rate was fifty five pesos for one dollar. I remembered I exchange a fifty dollar graduation gift when it rose to fifty six pesos!
8.)Ipods were still not marketed. But Discmans that can read CDs in MP3 formats were considered high tech!
9.) Cellphones with colored LCDs were not yet available. And yup a 3310 was sold for eight thousand pesos!
10.) Yes, life was indeed simpler way back then.

The Christmas Countdown: The Week of Christmas and Christmas Eve

December has been really fast. The weather has been really unpredictable. Typically it is colder than usual with the temperature dropping to the late twenties. Then the next morning it feels like summer - very humid and hot!

This month my feelings and mood have been as ambivalent as the weather. There are times in which I wake up with a good enthusiastic feeling and there are times when all I want to do is lay in bed, watch documentaries on TV and read books. But I usually fight the urge and console myself of the finances I might be losing by being absent from work. And when I get to work, I am distracted partially by my patients. Indeed, immersing yourself into work can be therapeutic in the short term. Alcohol has become a comfort food.

Probably the source of all this is uncertainty. I've always have a fear of uncertainty but for years I have manage to dodge it. But now all I can do is relax for the mean time and cross the bridge when I get there. This time avoidance is not the solution anymore but to face it head first, with a leap of faith without any parachutes. I am coping with alcohol, good food and making a low maintenance comfort zone that I am very determined to keep up to the point that I have withdrawn myself and has resorted to cutting off people.

Anyway, overall December was and still is great. Although right now I can't seem to fully appreciate it but I know looking back I will never forget this December, ever. The month in which I have perfected the art of exuding confidence and then counteracted with self loathing after. In short, this December also has a lot of memories and milestones.

1.) This year I am so proud of myself for picking out for my inaanaks early. I did a bit of panic shopping for my family and housemates but I did pretty well. I did not go beyond budget!

2.) I only attended two get togethers this year. One with the nurses and colleagues in the hospital and the other with my high school berks. Both were a blast. I have never laughed so hard for quite a while without being intoxicated. Till next year guys!

3.) I feel so sorry for the people in CDO, Iligan and Negros affected by the wrath of Sendong. It is so terrible and unfortunate and to make it worse it happened on the most wonderful time of the year. My prayers go out to all the people who died, who have lost someone and to those people who survived that they may continue to live and start all over again.

4.) A classmate's mom, which is also a fellow colleague, past away because of a brain tumor. She was an amazing woman, a well respected pediatrician and though I did not know her personally, I'm sure she was a person with a good heart as she was able to raise wonderful kids. Condolences to the bereaved family.

5.) Christmas is a holiday for kids. The older you get you feel more and more disconnected with it. For me Christmas is another excuse to eat and eat, drink and drink and of course spend time with the family!

6.) I watched "Love Actually" earlier today and that movie never fails to cheer me up every holiday season for almost ten years now. It is like a well baked Christmas treat, fresh from the oven with the right amount of sweetness, moisture and texture!

I know in time I will shake of these not so pleasant vibes, I am very thankful for everything I have though my actions say so otherwise.

Merry Christmas to all!

The Christmas Countdown: Two Weeks Till Christmas

Christmas has always been about tradition. And keeping and continuing them with people who matter.

For our family, our usual Christmas tradition is a Christmas Eve dinner complete with lechon. As far as I can remember, we've always did this. Before 1997, it was held at my maternal grandmother's house but now it has been regularly done in our house for fourteen years now. It is just a simple dinner composed of home cooked meals but occasionally there were times in which my mother had to order food. All of my mother's and father's siblings along with their families come to the house to eat dinner. And some of their cousins too and even extended relatives. Its catch up time and sometimes wine, beer or punch is served. By ten o' clock most of the guests start going home to attend mass or to prepare Noche Buena. During this time my parents start giving out the gifts under the tree. Then we wait for twelve o' clock. When the clock strikes midnight, we pray, light some fireworks, exchange and open gift and then eat our Noche Buena. We wake up late the next day and then attend late afternoon mass.

Last year, my high school friends and I started a new tradition that we have continued for the second year in a row. We have a Christmas party at Charisse and Reil's place. We picked out a color scheme for our outfits, do a potluck, each person has to prepare some games, exchange gifts, sing karaoke, talk and just laugh.

Last weekend we had our Christmas gathering and as expected it was a blast! This year green was our color and for our food, it was half healthy and half sinful and for the Secret Santa it was something spiky. I brought Fresh Fruits in Yogurt and Honey for something healthy and Orange Walnut Brownies for something sinful. I had so much laughing and reminiscing, playing games and eating without watching the calories.

Family and friends indeed complete the holidays. And to know that they are around healthy and safe is something that is worth treasuring. Till next year guys!

Here are the highlights from last weekend's awesome party:


Group Shot!


Another group shot. A Merry Merry Green Christmas!


With Kring, my Secret Santa. I gave her Spiky Earrings!


With Chloe, my uber cute adorable inaanak!


The One who got my name!


Playing board games till the wee hours of the morning.


The half healthy half sinful menu


Enjoyed playing the trivia betting game!


Thanks for the shirt Julio!

The Christmas Countdown: Three Weeks Before Christmas

Okay, so because of my stupidity in mathematics I'll be doing two posts this week so I could squeeze one more post next week to make it five posts so that it will be a five week to Christmas countdown.

Funny thing, I've noticed that most Christmas parties this year have the nostalgia theme. I think I had heard five of those going on. I ask a friend on Facebook on why most parties are on such a trend this year. She said "People are trying to live in the past or just running out of ideas". I think its more of the former.

Here is a quote about nostalgia from a movie that I enjoyed watching "Midnight in Paris".

"Nostalgia is denial - denial of the painful present... the name for this denial is golden age thinking - the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one ones living in - its a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present."

Speaking of nostalgia, here are some photos of previous holiday seasons of the past four to five years. I would have wanted to post pics from hard copies of numerous pictures I had using my old Fuji camera but my scanner got busted. These will do and will serve this post's purpose.


The day after Christmas 2009, Dawnah and I met up over lunch to exchange gifts and just catch up. Before this meeting it had been five months since we last saw each other in person.


It was a fun December with the Surgery Department at CVGH as we did our surgical rotation with the coolest residents ever! We also did a lunch and a Secret Santa.


Christmas 2010 with the Big Bang Burger and we also exchange gifts and talked about the past and hoped for the future.


Batch Christmas Party 2008. We did a fashion week theme. As you can see I went all out trying to emulate Penshoppe's collection that year.


Dance presentation with my Clinic Group mates during Christmas Party 2008 and yes we won first place!


Secret Santa at the newly opened Terraces Holidays 2008. This was very spontaneous. This was the only time that we can all be together so we went for it and had loads of fun!


Group Christmas party at Tippi's place with the ever bubbly Dr. Sanchez. One of the best facilitators I've ever had in medical school! Christmas 2007.


Christmas 2007 photo shoot!


A unique Christmas decor from last year - Christmas 2010


A very 90's Christmas with my high school berks. We did a 90's theme last year from the Secret Santa and even the games!


With my post graduate interns from last year, man this was wild and unforgettable. Just think about this: 30 bottles of beer and 4 liters of tequila just for ten people!


Christmas 2005 with my college barkada. This marked the first Christmas as professionals as three months earlier we took the board examination and we all passed. It has become a tradition in Donna's house to have the barkada Christmas party.

The Christmas Countdown: Four Weeks Before Christmas

I really do have dumb arithmetic skills. I think I should have done my post a week earlier if I am following the five week before Christmas countdown. Oh well. Let's not sweat the small stuff because it's Christmas time!

When I woke up this morning and dragged my tired ass on the way to work, I felt for the first time that Christmas is already in the air. There was a cold breeze, reminiscent of Decembers past who accompanied me on my hour long journey to the hospital today and on the way back from a full day of examining patients I was treated to Christmas lights of different styles, motifs and sizes. Plus tonight the air is colder as well that I just had to play Glee's Christmas album Vol. 2.

Of course like any person its hard for you to shake off your inner childhood during the Yuletide season. This means getting gifts, money and vouchers. And also shopping for family, friends, inaanaks and for thyself!

I usually make a wish list every year. Sometimes its too early, sometimes I do it on Christmas Eve. Some years I posted it here, others on one of the countless journals I have kept. Its fun. It never ever gets old! Though you don't actually get all of it, it really is awesome when someone gives you some of it. So for the sake of tradition and shouting to the universe, here it is:

Christmas Wish List - Material Things:

1.) A Book (I'm such dork) - 1Q84 or The Elephant Vanishes by Haruki Murakami, Survivor by Chuck Palahnuik, and A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby.
2.) A Graphic Novel - Blankets by Craig Thompson, Ghost World by Daniel Cowley and From Hell by Alan Moore
3.) Skater shoes - any brand as long as I can wear it to formal events
4.) T-shirts - Department stores such as SM and Robinsons both have affordable yet good quality selections
5.) Long sleeeved Shirts - From People are People or Forever 21
6.) A DSLR - so I can take photography lessons
7.) A Yoga Mat - so I can attend yoga sessions or do it on my own at home
8.) New Doc Martens or military boots from Forever 21- I want a newer one
9.) Coffeetable book - anything on Film, Travel or Pop Culture
10.) This Book Will Change your Life Planner - It's quirky and fun!

Christmas Wish List - Immaterial Things

1.) A Spot for Residency of my choice so that I can start by early or mid next year
2.) Good health to myself, family and friends
3.) Stronger bonds among friends
4.) More opportunities for my family members
5.) Peace in Cebu City, the Philippines and the whole world.
6.) That I shan't lose my drive and zeal for work and career
7.) More interesting people to meet
8.) Gaining more confidence and lesser on the inferiority complex
9.) Being able to do things that I really want
10.) Goals for next year be achieved

So there you go, I am such a traditional dork and an old fashioned bibliophile. Even a shirt of my favorite cartoon or comic character makes me happy.

I'm just giddy of the upcoming events this December that its very hard for me to study: Christmas parties with my high school barkada, get togethers with more intimate friends, my high school's tenth year reunion, Noche Buena at home and exchanging gifts, shopping at bazaars and clearance sales, lechon and booze on New Year's Eve and a whole lotta more!

The Christmas Countdown - Five Weeks Before Xmas

Inspired by the movie "Love Actually", which I watched for the nth time again, I will post at least one entry about Christmas once per week and it starts this week, five weeks before Christmas like the movie, in which the events started five weeks before Christmas.

So for this installment I will be taking about my Top Ten Favorite Christmas Albums of all time. Growing up Christmas carols have been a huge part of Christmas celebrations in the house. My mom would buy tapes and then we would listen to it while preparing for Christmas eve dinners or wrapping gifts. And yeah they do make the season brighter! Ten years ago my mom updated our cassette tapes with CDs and maybe this year we will be going digital! Its about time!

Here's the list in random order:

1.) Christmas in Our Hearts - Jose Mari Chan
This album is as Pinoy as Puto Bumbong or Parol. And any kid who grew up in the 90s has lots and lots of memories listening to this album in cassette tapes. I love this album so much because probably like any Filipino kid listening to this every Christmas brings back precious Christmas memories. And of course Jose Mari Chan's voice is the perfect complement to cold December mornings anticipating and waiting. My heart just melts every time I hear "Perfect Christmas".

2.) Music from The O.C.: Have a Very Merry Chrismukkah - Various Artists
I love both the show and all its soundtracks - all six of them. Chrismukkah plays a very important role every Christmas episode. It is a actually a mix of Christmas and Hanukkah in which the characters from the show uniquely celebrate. This album is composed of modern Christmas songs with an indie rock vibe. The songs are not your typical holiday jingle feel but it is appropriate for a Christmas get together for old friends.

3.)Christmas with the Chimpmunks - Alvin and the Chipmunks
Lolo Peping, Lola Naring's (my late great-grandmother) had an extensive vinyl record collection which included this. I remember this being played (the vinyl record) when I was four or five and my cousins, siblings and I would laugh while listening to the squeaky voices of the threesome crooning the speakers while waiting for twelve midnight, all excited to open our gifts. Another childhood favorite!

4.) Glee: The Music, The Christmas Album - Glee Cast
This was the official Christmas soundtrack of 2010. Fresh off their sophomore season's success, Glee released a feel good Christmas album with fresh renditions and mash ups of ubiquitous carols and not so common ones with superb blending. Favorites include "Baby It's Cold Outside, Deck the Rooftops and Oh, Christmas Tree. Looks like I will be listening again this year.

5.) The Jackson 5 Christmas Album - Jackson 5
Yes, Lolo Peping also had this on a vinyl record and this was also overplayed during Christmas Eve parties. This album is composed of Christmas songs with a Motown touch plus anti-war pro-peace Christmas songs. I love "Someday at Christmas" and "Give Love on Christmas Day".

6.) Nabali ang Christmas Tree - Max Surban
Translated into English as "The Christmas Tree Broke",this is probably the odd one out but I am 100% Bisaya so it makes me proud to add one to the list. The history behind my attachment to this Christmas album dates back to the late 80's. Our next door neighbor loudly played the whole album one Christmas eve morning over and over until we got tired from laughing so hard over and over again. All the songs are in Cebuano and parodies the Christmas season from being poor and broke, hiding from your godchildren and firework accidents. My favorite is the Visayan version of The Christmas Alphabet. The humor in the songs are very Bisaya in trademark. Bugal-bugalon!

7.) Classic Christmas - Billy Gilman
He was a twelve year old child with a powerful voice that soared. I wonder where he is now? Anyway this album takes me back to Christmas 2000 where we spent Christmas in The Dusit Hotel in Makati. I particularly enjoy the new song "Warm and Fuzzy". Yeah, it really does make me warm and fuzzy after hearing the song. His other renditions of classic Christmas songs albeit with a country feel are well done.

8.) This Christmas - 98 Degrees
98 Degrees is one of my favorite boy bands ever and with this Christmas album, like their other albums are pop laden carols that prove that though they do not have the best voices but the blending is really pleasant. Not too loud. Though some lyrics are cheesy in the end the album serves it purpose, a feeling of wellness during the holidays. And yes I still listened to this album until college during Christmas breaks.

9.) Home for the Holidays - 'N Sync
Compared to 98 Degrees, 'N Sync's album is more upbeat with Christmas dance-esque tracks. However traditional Christmas ballads are well interpreted like "The First Noel", "Oh Holy Night" and "The Christmas Song". I also listened to this during college for Christmas.

10.) "Do They know, It's Christmas" by Band Aid
Originally done in 1984, this song still echoes twenty seven years later as the world is still haunted by famine, skirmishes and wars. The remake twenty years later in 2004 is as good as the original.

Top Five Songs (I love these songs but the albums not so much)
1.) All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah Carey
2.) Happy Christmas (War is Over) - John Lennon
3.) Merry Christmas Darling - The Carpenters
4.) Silver Bells - Matt Monro
5.) Sa Araw ng Pasko - Various Artists OPM.

The Daily Grind and Finances

I can't believe that November will end in a week's time. And as much as I have the urge to write I just can't seem to transcribe my thoughts on paper or to cyberspace. Its usually stuck in my head every morning or late afternoon while commuting for work or going home from work. And when I get home I can't recall what I was thinking in the first place so then I don't write anymore. I log on to Facebook and then catch up with my friends' lives or stalk people randomly.

I've been working in an outpatient department clinic in a district hospital, office hours from 8 to 5 pm, weekdays only. I really love my schedule. Because I get to have a social life after office hours and get to have weekends off! Okay initially I wanted to work office hours during the weekdays so that during the weekends I will have an opportunity to cover and earn additional 50% of what I earn. But honestly this never came about. Weekends I prefer to lounge around the house reading books or magazines or having a wonderful lunch or dinner outside. Usually to meet up with friends. But I don't mind if I lose moolah the time spent with family and friends are priceless!

And yes after a month's delay I've finally got my paycheck and I've decline my parents' offer to continue receiving allowance. As much as it pains me a bit, I mean hey if I accept the offer, I would have all my money to myself and that means hedonism with shopping, drinks and fancy dinners to my heart's content. But they have done so much for me already so I was just thinking maybe they could use the money that they would allot for me to have some fun and relaxation on their own. The irony of earning on your own is you hesitate to spend compared to when you are not earning at all. So after I got my check I exchanged it to cash and roamed around two shopping malls. Still I got nothing. But in my mind I wanted to buy a lot of things - sneakers, Murakami's new book, shirts and underwear but as soon as I am about to march to the counter I turn back and return the item to the rack. I'll probably have a shopping spree during the Christmas holiday sale rush. For now I am saving for my inaanaks, family and friends for Christmas gifts.

My free spiritedness clashes with my practicality when it comes to the money issues. My spontaneous side says: "Go spend have fun and enjoy life". My thrifty side retorts: "Save for the rainy days and save for your future. Okay as much as I don't like money to be the center of decisions, but sometimes it really has to. So now that I am earning on my own, I liquidate my cash and take note if I am spending too much or I am just right on the budget. But despite having to do this I am thankful that I still get to earn a pretty decent amount for expenses, try good food, a little goodies here and there and to be able to have a good time two or three times a week. Plus I really do enjoy my job!

The holidays are just around the corner. I am now making my Christmas wish list and checking my list - naughty or nice if you are my friend I might actually give you something!

October Rushed Catch Up Post

The past month has been really fast. The days became weeks then the weeks became five and sooner than you know it the month ended already. It has been three weeks since I last posted and a lot of things has changed since then. I have met new people that are great to work with, old friends and classmates leaving going abroad or going back to their places of origin and some colleagues working already some as general physicians and others jumping into residency. And my employment prospects have become clearer and less murky compared to a month ago. Yes, better days are coming back in town. Let's just keep it that way since I don't want to count the chickens before the eggs have hatched. In short I don't want to jinx it. Anyhoo here are the details:

1.) Working in a district hospital an hour away from where I live has taught me discipline and time management. I really do enjoy working in Minglanilla (technically a municipality), which is considered the suburbs here. The staff are very friendly, accommodating and efficient. I am assigned both in the outpatient department, delivery room and OB ward 8 hours a day weekdays only. Weekend I usually turn down gigs to go on duty two to three hours away from the city. The job I have right now currently pays well (except paychecks are ridiculously delayed), relaxed and I get to see a maximum of 50 patients per eight hours, which I consider a decent number really. Not too exhausting. Plus I get to have weekends off which I have the option of covering other doctors or just chilling in bed or somewhere at my spontaneity's fancy.

2.) I got sick with the flu on a long weekend that coincided with Halloween. I had fever, body malaise, runny nose and dry cough. So this year unlike the previous no costume parties for me. I was in bed the whole time nursing myself back to optimum health by watching movies loaded with anti-histamines and mucolytics, on a water diet and going to the loo every two hours. I watched Suspiria, Bad Teacher, Crazy, Stupid Love and bits of The Shining (I have yet to finish this!).

3.) I went out Friday night, a day before I got sick to go to a bar and was able to hear Up Dharma Down live, up close and personal. Though I am not a big fan of them but I have heard a couple of their songs on MYX and YouTube and thought they make interesting music. I can't seem to classify it really more like a fusion of rock and jazz or something. So just to spend Friday night differently than the usual (which includes books, Entertainment Weekly or catching up on documentaries), I went out with my friend Guada for a night of drinks, pizza and good music. Man it felt good! I can't remember the last time I went out on a Friday night. Up Dharma Down rocks!

4.) Jo visited Cebu one weekend right before Halloween and it was catch up make up reaffirmation weekend. We got to talk personally, had sumptuous burgers in Dong Juan (can't believe I didn't drop by sooner!), coffee at Bo's Ayala for nostalgia's sake and exchanged pasalubongs which consisted of an artsy fartsy planner from Seoul and Special Edition Andy Warhol postcards. Our get togethers are always a blast. Can't wait for the next one come December.

5.) I finally made up my mind not to be shipped to Camiguin and I think it was the right decision as my employment hullaballoo called for a qualifying exam. It was nerve wracking and whats even more anxious is waiting for the call and results. But I am waiting as patiently as I can armed with hope and optimism and at the same time frightened as much as I don't want to mess up this one chance. Oh well. Rejection is better than regret but right now I am inducing myself with positive thoughts and good vibes.

And then we are down to the last two months of the year. The huge Christmas tree in Fuente is being currently set up. This means the holidays are coming!

My City

Cause this city is my city
And I love it, yeah I love it
I was born and raised here
I got it made here
And if I have my way, I'm gonna stay here
For life, uh huh

I am not much of a fan of Hip Hop Music but the lyrics in this song strike me so. Obviously Patrick Stump (from Fall Out Boy) is not talking about Cebu City but the city he grew up in but the lyrics above I can totally relate. What I love about this song is you can totally feel the artists love for his city.

That's why I am limited in my employment options because it is very hard for me to leave Cebu and venture into Manila. It is easier said than done. I know that I will mature and grow if I get a job in Manila. I will live alone, do my own laundry, liquidate my earnings and be financially independent. I am aware that one day I should leave behind my comfort zone in order to gain some new insight. But my love for Cebu is one big hindrance that I could not overcome right now. Cebu is where the heart is. The only thing that will make it complete is the position I am applying for.

Maybe if all is not well by mid next year I must say good bye to Cebu for my own fulfillment but rest assured I will be coming back - as often as I can.

What's not to love - decent cost of living, the beach is just thirty minutes away and so is the mountains, Sinulog, delicious food, rich heritage, organized jeepney system, laid back people and atmosphere, and tolerable weather all year round. Despite the horrendous traffic, narrow roads, flooded streets, pollution it still doesn't matter. It does not make me love Cebu less.

So here you go, this song is dedicated to those people who were born, raised and made in Cebu!

I wanted to write something but all I can come up is this:

It has been a busy week for me. But I'm not complaining about it only the fact that I have yet to receive my paycheck but I was supposed to last October 10. But due to my stupidity and some complicated procedures I will be getting it together hopefully late this week or early this week.

This weekend I was just catching up on sleep. I had two 24 hour duties and one 8 hour shift at the outpatient department. Last week I only had an average of 4 - 5 hours sleep per night since if I am off I usually go out to drink and play trivia.

There was a time when blogs were full of these quizzes. Right now since the frontal area of my brain is too cluttered to organize I'll just answer this:

1.) What is your best friend's name?

I don't have one single best friend but here are the names of my closest friends: Jo, Dawnah, Bingo, Mark, Rona, Ianne, Guada, Lee, Nadia

2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now?

Black semi-tanga Bench briefs with a hole on the left side of my ass. Hey I'm at home so it is perfectly okay to wear old underwear!

3. What are you listening to right now?

Use Somebody by Kings of Leon. Soundtrack for my S and R weekend (Sleep and Relaxation)

4. Whats your favorite number?

Eight

5. What was the last thing you ate?

Shrimps and pork adobo for dinner.

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be?

Anything yellow. Though when I was a kid I had a 64 crayola box with a crayon color "Mac and Cheese" and I loved it!

7. How is the weather right now?

Humid for the month of October

8. Who was the last person you talked 2 on the phone?

Jo, and that was yesterday in the morning when I got off from work

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Nose!

10. Do you have a significant other?

Nope, still rearranging my life plans right now

11. Favorite TV show?

The O.C., Friends and Supernatural. Right now I try to follow Glee, How I Met Your Mother and anything travel related on Nat Geo

12. Siblings?

Three

13. Height?

5'4''

14. Hair color? / 15. Eye Color

Black/Black.

16. Do you wear contacts?

Nope. I think its too tedious. I just wear glasses because they complement my personality.

17. Favorite Holiday?

Christmas! I like the feel and anticipation of the holidays! Especially here in Cebu

18. Month?

December and April

19. Have you ever cried for no reason?

Yes! A lot of time actually

20. What was the last movie you watched?

Melancholia by Lars von Trier starring Kirsten Dunst. It was an out of this world melodramatic psychological sci-fi ride!

21. Favorite Day of the Year?

When I was a student it was Fridays now its Wednesdays because the movies change at the cinemas, dinner with family at home and play trivia with my doctor friends so mid week ain't that dreary anymore

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Yes

23. Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)?

No but I will before I turn 30! Watch me!

24. Hugs or Kisses?

Hugs!

25. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla because it is versatile. You can add sprinkles, marshmallows, M and Ms, chocolate syrup or just eat it plain and still taste good.

26. Do you want your friends to respond to this?

Why not?

27. Who is most likely to respond to a text from you?

My parents

28. Who is least likely to respond to a text from you?

Someone who shall not be named! Hahaha

29. What books are you reading?

"The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest" By Stieg Larsson and "A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas "by Chuck Klosterman IV

30. Piercings?

None. I am to chicken to get one. When I was about to graduate college I wanted to have my ears pierced but now I am paranoid about blood borne diseases and infection.

Here's to another week of slugging it out and working hard for the money!

Friends and Marriage

Nadia and Keith, so happy together!

Today one of my closest friends will tie the knot but on a different timezone. Nadia and I had only been classmates for a year during high school but we hanged out almost every week by having lunch together or malling. We both love to be silly, do crazy things and laugh. After college, she studied in UP Los Banos and I stayed right here in Cebu. During that time period we did not see each other personally for five years but kept in touch through text, e-mail and Friendster. She went back to Cebu and got a job. And that's where she met Keith. They got to know each other, fell in love, shared a love nest and then finally they are getting married. Its about time I should say!

Nadia and Keith perfectly complement each other. Nadia is spontaneous, vivacious and impulsive. Keith is silent, patient and level headed. However both of them love going to new places, eating, exploring the outdoors and are game at anything!

To Nadia and Keith, I wish you both all the best in your married life, success in all your endeavors, healthy beautiful children and pure marital bliss for years and years to come. Too bad I can't be there personally but I will be in spirit and good thoughts!


I took this picture right after the wedding ceremony. Kim and Arnel, happily married.

Last year on this date, one of my closest friends as well tied the knot at the same church her parents did. Kim and Arnel after one year are still so much in love and are getting happier every passing day! The wedding ceremony was so full of love between the couple and all their family and friends who were at the celebration.

To Kim and Arnel I wish you more happy days and cute adorable healthy children as well! See you soon!

Better than Expected

Starting the day with only about three hours sleep, had tequila shots the night before and a cold, bumpy two hour bus ride, I was already expecting that my first day as a general practitioner in a secondary hospital would not be a piece of cake but surprisingly, it was not as bad as I had anticipated. I had toxic days before and though I was the only doctor available with six admissions and two dozen consults I was lucky that the patients I had were stable except two and the other one eventually improved. Thank God!

The night before I had a hard time getting some shut eye. It was perhaps a combination of excitement to be back in action, nervousness since this is my first gig and I am doing it solo and last probably the sugar from the delicious birthday cake the night before. However my twenty four hour duty went smoothly and with my sympathetic nervous system taking over I was not dozing off. And I was able to sleep for four hours uninterrupted!

Not bad for a first timer. I was really proud of myself that I was able to recall on diagnosis and management. I am just hoping that those patients I admitted have improved or have discharged good as new.

After that experience and yes there are times that it can be really exhausting, I am hoping that everything will be alright and I will improve also for the better. I'm getting back on track albeit slow but surely I will really get there. Till next time. I'm crossing my fingers that I will get it right.

When I Grow Up

Ever since I was six or seven years old, I already knew the answer to that question when asked: What do you want to be when you grow you up? I enthusiastically would reply: "I want to be a doctor". It was precocious at least for a child as young and it probably impressed my parents and their friends. In our clan, we only have one doctor in the family, my aunt, which is my mom's older sister. Most of my relatives are either nurses, teachers or into business or marketing. Growing up I never did recall playing with a plastic stethoscope or toy medical apparatuses. I started pretending to be a doctor after I had set a goal for myself that I am going to pursue a medical degree.

My earliest influence is watching Doogie Howser M.D. every Friday nights on TV. Remember that now defunct TV show which starred Neil Patrick Harris (now famous as Barney Stintson from How I Met Your Mother) as a child prodigy who got his medical degree when he was fourteen and was already a surgical resident in his adolescent years. I was inspired by the character's intelligence and skill that after every episode I envisioned myself as a doctor when I grow up - white coat, a name plate and a real stethoscope hanging by my neck.

As I entered elementary school I would still blurt out the same answer every time I am asked at school with the same question. But as I grew older I began to read a lot of encyclopedias and books that I was very much interested in medical research and infectious diseases. It was my very ambitious goal of epic proportions to be able to find a cure for cancer when I was eleven. When relatives and "kumpares" of my parents would warn me about the long period of being in the academe in order to obtain a diploma to be a doctor of medicine plus residency and specializations, I was more determined than ever and poised myself to a long and winding road of textbooks and burning the midnight candle in the future.

When high school started it was still my number one option to get a para medical degree or a pre med degree. However it was during at this time that I had began toying at the idea of looking for an alternative career other than being a doctor. When I was thirteen my geek love affair with the movies started. I explored different genres of movies, read a lot of articles about film making online and watched movies every week - in the cinemas or rent a couple of VHS tapes during the weekend. I wanted to be a filmmaker or a screenwriter. But raised with a practical mindset by my parents, I shrugged off those fashionable ambitions and labeled them as delusions of grandeur. Let's be a honest working in the world of film here in the Philippines does not really give you a clear path ahead unless you already have some connections in the industry in the first place.

During the summer before senior year in high school, I spent most of those hot humid days watching episodes of "The Practice". I got so much into it and thought that the court room is riveting and full of verbal action. Now I wanted to be a lawyer as well! I told my parents about it but at that time they were accepting but were not that supportive. But still they told me I should pick a course that I really want to major in. After a week of contemplation I ended up taking a paramedical course. With a little bit of insight from my parents they swayed me by talking about the financial stability of a doctor and even if I won't pursue post graduate studies being a medical technologist isn't that bad. So I went it and enrolled. I was a lazy ass during that summer anyway what finally sealed the deal was that you don't need to take an entrance exam to be able to get in the college - a photocopy of both your birth certificate and report card from high school will do. So I never became a lawyer. Every time I am sulking up or drunk I always tell people most of the time that if I did not pursue being a doctor I might have ended up in law school or taught history or English literature to high school students. I feel a part of me victorious of the fact that one of my best friends became a lawyer.

College went by so fast. I mean the first semester I was miserable. I missed the old comforting familiarity of high school. I missed my friends. I hate taking up twenty eight units and having a tight schedule everyday with breaks only for lunch. I envied my friends who only have two or three classes a day. I wanted to party a lot every weekend but couldn't due to school work or ROTC every Sunday. I wanted to shift to another college. But I always know that I am not a quitter and I only know when to quit when it is deemed life threatening. But every thing changed when I met new people from my course and we started hanging out a lot. We made our own memories, started our own traditions and just enjoyed every thing about college together.

During my internship for medical technology, I was totally exposed to a whole new different light of the profession. I worked with the most helpful and accommodating laboratory technicians that have exemplified the integrity and prestige of the profession. My one month rotation in VCMC made me realize that I still can have a great career even if I won't proceed to medical school. My twelve months internship made me grow and love the course I finished that I decided to take the board examinations and maybe practice as a medical technologist then go overseas for greener pastures.

After working as a volunteer in VSMMC laboratory I was bored. In just a span of three months every thing became routine. From blood testing to microbiological studies, I felt that I could do more. So I quit, went on a hiatus and finally decided that this is it! I am enrolling in medical school. I applied, got accepted and graduated medical school after four grueling years of examinations, dissections, rotations which consisted of sleepless nights, self-doubt and a lot of drama. I shall leave it at that. All the experiences in medical school will surmount to a couple of blog posts.

Now here I am, just passed the medical board examinations two months ago. Officially a licensed doctor. I already have my own license and two additional initials to be forever attached to my name, till death do us part! I am proud of myself. But somehow after ten years of studying, two years worth of hospital internships and one year of reviewing it is not as fulfilling as you would've thought it would be ten years back. Sometimes I wake up empty and confused on whether I have wasted those precious years.

Being a doctor or studying medicine at least is like being sucked in a super massive black hole. It never ends. This time it is all about residency options - to start right away, wait a year or never train at all and then dealing with rejections and more uncertainties. Oh well I guess that's what is constant about life.

I have given myself a month to withdraw from every one else and I sound ungrateful of such prestige and privilege entitled to me. Yes I am very grateful that I had become a doctor. Though right now I do not embody such character I will become a doctor. I realize that all I need is time and with time every thing else will come into place no matter how chaotic every thing is somehow it will all fall into place if it is meant to be. I can do this.