First of Summer

Summer beckons! At least for me. As I have had previously mentioned in a couple of posts a month ago I just had concluded something that will make or break my career path, so I did not feel at all that it was summer except the heat.

Still the heat is on! Cebu City has been experiencing temperatures ranging from 30 to 35 degrees for the past six weeks already. Except on mid afternoons after lunch I am loving the temperature. Its the only time of the day that I cannot tolerate the humidity and the UV rays from my room that I take refuge in my sister's room for air conditioning. However the rest of the day it gets lovely. A fan, iced tea and a book or a TV rerun of old comedy shows keep me entertained on the dog days of summer.

So far I am feeling vibes and figments of those past childhood summers. My mom is on a cooking frenzy so rest assured almost every meal time there is something delicious on the table. Once we had homemade Spanish sardines, calamares on the weekends and occasionally have banana fritters made from scratch for snacks.

Other mini updates:

1.) I have a new favorite author and his name is Jeffrey Eugenides. In a span of nineteen years he has written three novels and edited one book of short stories. I finished "The Virgin Suicides" and it was mesmerizing and haunting. I am halfway through his latest book "The Marriage Plot" and so far I am finding the characters interesting in a non conventional way. After this I am planning on getting his second novel "Middlesex". Speaking of books I think this summer I will be able to read quite a number of books - as many or probably will exceed what I read during the Summer of 2007. Aside from Eugenides books (this will be the summer of Eugenides), what's on the list include Rolling Stone's Top 500 Greatest Albums of All Time, a biography of Michael Phelps (pumping up for the Olympics), a coffee table book on the Beatles, a Fitzgerald novel - I still could not decide between "This Side of Paradise" and "The Beautiful and the Damned" and I know that I am overly ambitious here - "Anna Karenina" by Leo Tolstoy.

2.) I have a feeling that 2012 will be a great year for movies. "The Avengers" kicked off summer with an entertaining kick ass visual feast. And now I am really excited for "The Amazing Spiderman" and "The Dark Knight Rises". Superhero movies will be brilliant this year! Avengers vs. Loki, check! Next up Spiderman vs. Lizard and the new trailer for "The Dark Knight Rises" makes me more excited to see it!

3.)I enjoyed American Idol's 60s night episode last night. I swore last year that I won't be watching this show anymore but since the videos in youtube are so accessible that you don't need to wait for the telecast on cable anymore I find myself wasting around two hours every week watching the live performances. My favorite performance of the night was Joshua Ledet and Phillip Phillips duet on the classic "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling". On paper it seems to sound horrendous but when they sang it - the odd combination of their voices - Joshua's high range of soul and falsetto blended well with Phillip's southern rock tone. They brought the house down. Joshua is indeed the underdog for this year. I predict that it will be a Jessica-Phillip showdown this year with Phillip claiming the crown because his adorable face have charmed every teenage American girl to vote for him. But a Jessica-Joshua finale is also possible. Phillip could start his own folk band! I can imagine him putting up an album that will sound like Mumford and Sons + Fleet Foxes and a dash of Kings of Leon.

4.) I still have five weeks of summer left. Who knows? It might be longer than expected or shorter than anticipated. But so far I am loving it. I have a lot of things to look forward to also! I won't divulge them here some might not happen but whatever happens I am perfectly fine waiting and hoping for better things.

That's About It

I haven't written for a month now. I have really been busy. Good kind of busy. Fulfilling type of busy. A lot of learning has happened during the past month. Right now though I feel that as if my life can be compared to a DVD being played on a DVD player then suddenly the pause button was pressed. And I am just in the sidelines watching or at least trying to wonder what will go on next. What button will be pressed? The rewind or the fast forward button. Surprisingly I am okay. More okay than what others might perceive. I enjoy my lull days where in I get to do whatever I want, have the options to go wherever but choose not to, and just think about nothing all day. In short I am the master of my time, and time is my friend. Yes ironically I still don't have all the time. And yes believe I try to make time for leisure but somehow it is still not possible. Maybe not now. I have to make peace with the fact that I will be having a late surge in going crazy and shit when I will be mid or late 30s. That is if death does not beat me to it. :-D. All I can say is being a doctor makes you poor in time and money but rich in knowledge. Some people tell me to lighten up and just go out and do things. But honestly I am just FINE here at home doing nothing, reading fiction and just sitting while listening to 90's songs. Yes my life is indeed in pause mode but I could not ask for more. I even argued to the universe late last night and saying what have I done to deserve something my parents are giving me. I don't deserve it but they won't budge anyway. I deserve something else but not this one. And one last word - I fucking seriously hate inspirational books. I am not amused of the fact that certain people teach other people how to run their lives. I admit I am one of those that need a tutor on how to manage life but still I'd prefer to do it o my own - make mistakes, fuck up sometimes (not ALL the time) and learn from it. These kind of books nag! Haha and yes this is what comes out when you stray from the transgressive fiction section in National.

Fast March

That is all I can say for this month. It was really fast. And in six days, the first quarter of this year is over. And so far so good. It feels like, at least for me, I am a plane taking off, still trying to reach the required altitude to get to the next destination. And I have to post something because I will be more busy for the next fifteen days and it will be April soon. I just need one more post for March.

This month I was happy to be working on weekends. It was a change of pace, more time for relaxation which equates to more time for books, movies and friends and I don't have to wake up early every day. It can be toxic but I'd prefer it anytime compared to my office hours schedule. And I also requested this so that I could have more time for rest and leisure. But as it turns out I was motivated to accept extra sidelines for cash. The first two days of March I was full on bumming mode. During the first weekend my duty at the ER was bloody to say the least. Then the week after booked myself with two days of medical consultations. And the next thing I knew, I was already booked almost every day for three to six hours of medical consultations from North to South of Cebu. And I feel really blessed. I always will stick to my day job because it is stable and pays well. However these extra shifts and sidelines allows me to get some goodies, eat good food occasionally, drinks with friends and extra savings these days doesn't hurt. As long as I am available, no matter how far the location (farthest up North was Bogo and farthest down South was Oslob), I'd always say yes. Just when the ball started rolling for me, the hospital for residency applications called. They told me I was qualified for pre-residency but not necessarily a sure bet for the item. So I filed for leave and did all the required papers hence I got all the more busy. After medical consultations I'd stop by at the hospital and once I got the go signal I started getting jittery. I finished all my commitments and now I am a bit scared but at the same time crossing my fingers and hope that this is it. However I will be expecting for the worse as usual. And that's basically the summary of this month - anxiety and inferiority. Sigh. Let's hope that the next fifteen days will be as fast! Lets do this!

Speaking of goodies, I recently bought a couple of books from BookSale. Seriously, every time I go in, I always buy something when I go out of a branch. And also from National Bookstore. But I really got these books at cheap, totally worth it prices.

Books I got from BookSale:
1.) Midnight Miles - A photo book of Maroon 5's tour way back 2003-2004. I got this for 325 pesos. Colored and in good condition.
2.) Kiss and Tell - An official guide to Sex and the City. In mint condition except for a little tear on the back part of the cover near the spine, which I repaired with tape. This is price at 899 pesos at FullyBooked, got it for 245 pesos
3.) Grunge - A coffee table hardbound book about the Grunge movement and the iconic bands of the era. Yup, only 90 pesos.
4.) The Beautiful and the Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald , Wordsworth Classics Edition. The cover is just random but its only 75 pesos and in great condition

Books from National Bookstore:
1.) What I Talk About Running - Haruki Murakami. A hardbound edition for 175 pesos.
2.) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button by F. Scott Fitzgerald - only 75 pesos too!
3.) Rolling Stone Magazine's 500 Greatest Albums of All Time - Hardbound, printed last 2005, with tears along the flap jacket but nonetheless still a bargain for 250 pesos.
4.) Man of My Dreams by Curtis Sittenfield - Hardbound original price at 799, got it for 99 pesos and gave it as a gift.

I know I shouldn't be buying more books but I do anyway. Its an impulse that is hard to suppress but I will be taking the summer to read all these books and the others that are in line. So far, I've only finished five books this year and currently reading two. I can't wait for the next two weeks. I'll just have to suck it up!

Ch... ch... changes..

Change always confuses me. It always leaves an unsettling feeling. Uncertainty, anxiety and fear combined. I just recently dealt with change and transferred my ass to a new comfort zone. Suddenly a curve ball comes my way - the good kind of curve ball. Something that you have always wanted for a long time. But now I don't want to move my ass to a new comfort zone. Its no man's land. I was just getting comfortable in my new phase. I was ecstatic of course as my dreams are coming full circle but the formation of that circle will bring forth more waiting, more questions. Its time to take a leap of faith again. This time with my eyes blindfolded and I don't know where will I land - water, sand or rocks. Yup its that terrifying. Quite ironic that something I've hoped for, for quite a long time, that has swallowed me whole with not so pleasant consequences is semi actualized but yet it has transported me in an unstable state of more wondering. Changes scare the beejezus out of me.

But all I can do is hope for the best, expect the worse, have a little faith in myself, suck it up, go with the flow and do your best. So here's to fucking changes!

Like the song in the video above goes.. "Everything is gonna be alright.... Rockabye...

P.S.: I have a tendency to overplay this song every time I am about to face major life changes, u-turns and picking a new road to start a journey.

Hectic

I could not summarize the past two or three weeks in a word. All I can say it was hectic. But the good kind of hectic. I totally immersed myself in work and catching up with friends and trying to micromanage them, finances. So a balance of wonderful moments at work and even more wonderful moments with friends.

The past two weeks were hectic. There I've said it again. No, make that February's been hectic. Not to mention the change of schedules and scheduling conflicts, too many deliveries and dealing with annoying workers in the hospital (not doctors). But somehow February made sense.

The past month I have been trying to grapple about fulfillment, weighing in my career choices and trying to tighten my grip on reality without bordering on either controlling or delusional. I guess it is because of changes. I always turn to overthinking, overemoting and nostalgia when change comes looming in. As I have aged, I have become less and less emo but sometimes I'd crack that all I want to do is crawl up in bed and write non sensical bullshit or at least try to come up with something presentable for a blog post.

Lately I have been ambivalent about some things and of decisions. Occasionally I'd want this and that and then the next day my mind changes. In conclusion I really need to be happy regardless of whatever happens not because of what will happen next. But yeah, I'm happier now compared to my irritable, agitated mood during the holidays.

So I don't know how to end this one. Honestly I have been formulating this in my head for over a week and a half now and its getting annoying in my head at least thats why I have to get this out of my neurons. Now back to the hectic week. I've worked from Sunday to Saturday and went out everyday of the week except on Sundays. We won the Special Edition Second Anniversary Trivia Night on Friday. Saturday Jo came to Cebu and super catch up with pizza, pasta and doughnuts. Shopping on the side. Sunday was crazy day at work. Monday was the Eat All You Can Buffet at Radisson Blu and I am going crazy for their sushi bar and dessert selections. Homemade ice cream anyone? Definitely coming back! Tuesday I watched two exceptionally made films in the Bisaya language - Dili Ingon Nato and My Paranormal Romance (more on this some other time). Wednesday met up with one of my closest friends from medical school Mayee and talked about life, careers( this has got to be topic of the year for me) and her engagement. We talked about leaps of faith and lots of hope for our futures. Thursday and Friday Trivia Night and Saturday was the Board Game Session which lasted until the wee hours of the morning and it was so competitive and of course fun! I passed out on the couch.

And another thing, fulfillment and all those shit still confuse me sometimes. And yes I still want that yellow board shorts damn it!

Crazy, Stupid, Love

Boy: say you love me
Girl: laughs
Boy: say you love me
Girl: no
Boy: say you love me!
Girl: I won't
Boy: say "I love you" na!
Girl: no way.
Boy cge na, say I love you!
Girl: fine. i love you.
Boy: say my name
Girl: silence
Boy: say I love you -----!
Girl: whatever. i love you -----

after a few minutes...

SLAP!

boy (dumbfounded): what was that for?
girl: that's for making me say I love you

SLAP!

girl: and that's for making me say it when I don't mean it.

Pakshet! Talbog ang mga linya nina John Lloyd Cruz and Bea Alonzo at sa lahat ng pelikula ng Star Cinema mga kantang pang Videoke naman ang mga pamagat! Ito na ang pinakamatindi na pamatay linya sa history ng mga pamatay linya tsaka pick up lines! Yari ka Pre! LOL!! :-D

Happy V-Day Pals and Gals!

Happy Birthday James Dean!

February 8, 1931 - September 30, 1955

"Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today"

He would've been eighty one years old. If he were still alive, he would still be making movies,a dozen Oscar nominations to boot and would probably exude that youthful exuberance. But he was taken too soon.

Just a random reflection on his life: A short life well lived without boundaries is better than a long life full of what ifs...