Thursday, July 29, 2010

Crossing Over

In exactly ten days from now I will be celebrating another birthday. I will be a year older. And I will be 26 years old. Meaning I already existed quarter of a century. I am no longer young anymore or borderline adult but I am already an adult. You see I have this philosophy in which when you are younger than 25 but still in your early 20's you can still call yourself young and be irresponsible and immature. When you are 25 you are in the border. You have a right to still consider yourself as young or you can start to by being a matured adult. I went with the former.

This is the third year in a row in which I have no plans of celebrating. Right now I think birthdays are overrated. My point is you don't have to celebrate on that one single day of turning one year older but on the whole year as a whole of being that age. Not just on that natal day but on any day you want to as long as you try to live fully. Then again this year I'm not in the mood again to celebrate. I just don't see anything worth celebrating right away. And at the same time spontaneity excites me. I'll be off duty that day so we will see whatever happens. I'm up for anything. All I know is I'm not really in the mood to be with a bunch of people on that day. I'll be doing an anti-birthday thing, No cakes, no candles, no wishes, maybe some shopping and binge drinking and eating. I am on a quest to make it as ordinary as possible.

Here's to turning a year older but definitely not wiser as I would have liked.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Out with the Old, In with the New

After a week of canvassing and contemplating I finally decided to get a new camera. I've concluded that a camera is way cheaper and will be useful compared to an iPod which I might be getting next month for my birthday or next year. I am playing Mr. Practical right now.

I bought a Kodak C142 easy share camera since it's very affordable. At a price of 4,995, along with the camera, there is a free SD card of 2GB, a camera case, a charger, two rechargeable lithium batteries and two disposable alkaline batteries. Not bad for starters. Plus it's also 10 mega pixels and so simple to use with face detection, image stabilizer and user friendly. It is also stylish and light in its blood red color. I'm happy and I vow to take care of this camera even if I have to fend off a robber in a knife fight because it's mine, mine mine! This is the first time that I've bought something entirely on my own - from my own pocket and savings. I am doing this Project of taking one picture a day in honor of my camera so that I'll have an excuse to use the camera every day just to make the most out of it and life as well.

When I paid the cashier I got additional discount and I only paid for everything for 4,750. Double happy me. So to anybody looking for a cheap for than decent but stylish camera I highly recommend this one. Just something to keep for the mean time before we can afford a DSLR.

So meet Griffin. Named after Griffin from "Griffin and Sabine" one of my favorite books that I tremendously enjoyed.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Irrational Impulsivity

Must be the grueling 24 hour duty at the ER last night but speaking about it in retrospect compared to the day we had over 31 admissions, last duty wasn't even that bad.

As I was taking a shower today at 2 pm, I suddenly thought about quitting and finding another career path. I know very irrational right? I was thinking that may I had enough and I don't want to save lives anymore. I don't want to learn to prolong someone's existence in the world. In that moment I decided I had enough medicine for a lifetime. Me want new career now!

In my fantasy I then decided to fly to Manila and get a job as a call center agent or a sales man and then I'd party every weekend. I then self-slapped myself, thinking I thought I am so over that phase. Hey even working in a laboratory as a medical technician seems tempting and way better than practicing to become a doctor.

I kept pondering whether everything will be worth it in the future - the financial investment, the sacrifices and the time. I have feel like I've totally wasted my twenties - the best decade to experience the world. I should be traveling at least the Philippines right now or pursuing some stylish hobby like photography, art or theater. Instead I'm stuck at a hospital sweating trying to deal with different people - some rude and some just don't get it about maladies and diseases and offering my services for free food. Oh well I smell quarter life crises coming. It's hard to be passionate about something when the odds are constantly against your favor biting you in the ass - treating patients on limited resources.

Another idea I've come up is I'd fly to Australia and work as a waiter or get a blue collar job and then see the city and it's art when I'm off and read classics and modern fiction by the Sydney Harbor.

Right I'm now bordering on delusional.

Then I've just realized that maybe these thoughts are repercussions of losing my camera and my iPod and then the compensation I had to put up with.

or I really do want a new career right now.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Bad Day

Since starting PGI-ship 6 weeks ago, every day and everything has been smooth sailing so far. Despite the long hours, overworked job descriptions and humid ER setting I have never complained and have never minded such herculean effort. I looked at things as if the glass was half-full and used optimism as my ultimate armor to battle. In short I enjoyed it.

Until today, there has to be a bleep in the radar or a small glitch on the car right? I overslept as usual. I almost do every morning considering that I relied on the fact that the workplace is 15 minutes maximum from our house even by jeepney if the traffic is light and my seniors are very lenient on punctuality. Imagine, 15 minutes after 7:30, so far I've not been marked tardy. So I hurriedly took a shower, ate breakfast and packed things. I didn't mean to but I put my black pouch containing my Ipod and my camera. My bestfriend and my great companion. I had second thoughts on bringing it to work. But what the heck, I did anyway since I was pre-empting I might be bored. So I put it in my little bag along with other books that might come handy in the Out Patient Department. In short that was the last time I would see those two. My attention was fully grabbed my interviewing patients that I forgot to check my bag once in a while. The next thing I know they were gone. So I was kidding myself and went back thinking, maybe I was not able to bring em. But unfortunately I did. So there goes. Maybe a patient took it or a worker from the hospital I can't really be sure. All I know is its gone and forever will be. Well first of all it's really my fault. I shouldn't be bringing gadgets like that to work and second at least I learned something from this. When I got home it really sinked in that I have lost and I think its right time I mourn contrary to the poker face I showed.

So in short for the next two months or I will be starving myself. Im thinking of getting an iPod again maybe a cheaper one. A nano perhaps or a camera whichever might be useful. Or not. I could probably live PGI year without both but I'll probably want at least one.

I'll be punishing myself so that means I'll only go out once every two weeks, less alcohol intake, study, amuse myself with the books I have accumulated in here which means no more book shopping as well and no birthday slash tequila party this year. I have decided that there is no reason to celebrate. I'll live and continue living.

As Frank Sinatra said "That's Life" and which I supplement "You Win Some, You Lose Some but Life has to Suck Sometimes".