December has been really fast. The weather has been really unpredictable. Typically it is colder than usual with the temperature dropping to the late twenties. Then the next morning it feels like summer - very humid and hot!
This month my feelings and mood have been as ambivalent as the weather. There are times in which I wake up with a good enthusiastic feeling and there are times when all I want to do is lay in bed, watch documentaries on TV and read books. But I usually fight the urge and console myself of the finances I might be losing by being absent from work. And when I get to work, I am distracted partially by my patients. Indeed, immersing yourself into work can be therapeutic in the short term. Alcohol has become a comfort food.
Probably the source of all this is uncertainty. I've always have a fear of uncertainty but for years I have manage to dodge it. But now all I can do is relax for the mean time and cross the bridge when I get there. This time avoidance is not the solution anymore but to face it head first, with a leap of faith without any parachutes. I am coping with alcohol, good food and making a low maintenance comfort zone that I am very determined to keep up to the point that I have withdrawn myself and has resorted to cutting off people.
Anyway, overall December was and still is great. Although right now I can't seem to fully appreciate it but I know looking back I will never forget this December, ever. The month in which I have perfected the art of exuding confidence and then counteracted with self loathing after. In short, this December also has a lot of memories and milestones.
1.) This year I am so proud of myself for picking out for my inaanaks early. I did a bit of panic shopping for my family and housemates but I did pretty well. I did not go beyond budget!
2.) I only attended two get togethers this year. One with the nurses and colleagues in the hospital and the other with my high school berks. Both were a blast. I have never laughed so hard for quite a while without being intoxicated. Till next year guys!
3.) I feel so sorry for the people in CDO, Iligan and Negros affected by the wrath of Sendong. It is so terrible and unfortunate and to make it worse it happened on the most wonderful time of the year. My prayers go out to all the people who died, who have lost someone and to those people who survived that they may continue to live and start all over again.
4.) A classmate's mom, which is also a fellow colleague, past away because of a brain tumor. She was an amazing woman, a well respected pediatrician and though I did not know her personally, I'm sure she was a person with a good heart as she was able to raise wonderful kids. Condolences to the bereaved family.
5.) Christmas is a holiday for kids. The older you get you feel more and more disconnected with it. For me Christmas is another excuse to eat and eat, drink and drink and of course spend time with the family!
6.) I watched "Love Actually" earlier today and that movie never fails to cheer me up every holiday season for almost ten years now. It is like a well baked Christmas treat, fresh from the oven with the right amount of sweetness, moisture and texture!
I know in time I will shake of these not so pleasant vibes, I am very thankful for everything I have though my actions say so otherwise.
Merry Christmas to all!
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