Irrational Impulsivity

Must be the grueling 24 hour duty at the ER last night but speaking about it in retrospect compared to the day we had over 31 admissions, last duty wasn't even that bad.

As I was taking a shower today at 2 pm, I suddenly thought about quitting and finding another career path. I know very irrational right? I was thinking that may I had enough and I don't want to save lives anymore. I don't want to learn to prolong someone's existence in the world. In that moment I decided I had enough medicine for a lifetime. Me want new career now!

In my fantasy I then decided to fly to Manila and get a job as a call center agent or a sales man and then I'd party every weekend. I then self-slapped myself, thinking I thought I am so over that phase. Hey even working in a laboratory as a medical technician seems tempting and way better than practicing to become a doctor.

I kept pondering whether everything will be worth it in the future - the financial investment, the sacrifices and the time. I have feel like I've totally wasted my twenties - the best decade to experience the world. I should be traveling at least the Philippines right now or pursuing some stylish hobby like photography, art or theater. Instead I'm stuck at a hospital sweating trying to deal with different people - some rude and some just don't get it about maladies and diseases and offering my services for free food. Oh well I smell quarter life crises coming. It's hard to be passionate about something when the odds are constantly against your favor biting you in the ass - treating patients on limited resources.

Another idea I've come up is I'd fly to Australia and work as a waiter or get a blue collar job and then see the city and it's art when I'm off and read classics and modern fiction by the Sydney Harbor.

Right I'm now bordering on delusional.

Then I've just realized that maybe these thoughts are repercussions of losing my camera and my iPod and then the compensation I had to put up with.

or I really do want a new career right now.