Monday, February 16, 2009

Life Imitates Rom-Coms: My Friends and their Pursuits in the Name of Love

Lately my friends are tangled in the clutches of this little thing called love. These events that are about to be broadcast have occurred not at the same time but from way back some more remote others recently. Since hearts day just happened last weekend I think this is the perfect timing.

I feel like I've been watching a live version of "He's Just Not that Into You" or a less classy and unpolished "Love Actually" because dude we're not in London nonetheless another beautiful locale and we don't have the British twang that's so elegant and posh.

In order to maintain privacy and security for the persons mentioned and to prevent a lawsuits against yours truly all names shall not be disclosed. The identities of these individuals will be hidden by their new alter egos which I made up for them.

Set A:
Mr. Loner Artist and Little Ms. Sunshine have been friends for almost two years. They hang out, watch movies and basically do the fun things with their friends. The relationship is purely platonic. Until after a summer trip their friends started teasing them, in which Little Ms. Sunshine just shrugged off but Mr. Loner Artist didn't. It continued for months and Mr. Loner Artist was already harboring feelings for her all the while that she wasn't aware of. Two weeks before Christmas he told her and she freaked out a little bit. In respect and because of the friendship, she didn't bust him then. She gave her a chance but showed signs to him that maybe she's just not that into him and it might happen. Still Mr. Loner Artist was very patient. And clearly he's been mesmerized and inspired by her beauty that she even gave her a sketch of her face on her birthday. Still no feelings from Little Miss Sunshine. During a festival, Little Ms. Sunshine was becoming guilty that she's already hurting Mr. Loner Artist. To make matters worst when she saw her Ugly Ex-BF, she realized that she hadn't fully gotten over him despite of his hideous nature after three years. She felt a surge of emotions then she cried. She decided to do the right thing - by ending Mr. Loner Artist's perceived suffering. She told him the truth that she will not ever look at him besides a friend. Though she didn't tell him that she hasn't come to terms 100% with what Ugly Ex-BF did to her heart. Enter Mr. Dreamboy, Little Ms. Sunshine's longtime crush, who had just broken up with Bitchy Ex-GF after two years and a half. Now Little Ms. Sunshine is overjoyed in secret because she wanted Mr. Dreamboy for a long time. Intrusive and straight forward me told her not to squeal and show emotions so much in front of Mr. Loner Artist. I still am hoping that she'll realize how great Mr. Loner Artist is though she insists every single day that it's getting awkward but right now I think they are on a stage of rebuilding the friendship. Whew! I haven't given up the thought that Mr. Loner Artist has surrendered. Not yet, not now.
In Summary: Mr. Loner artists wants Little Miss Sunshine who got burned by Ugly Ex-BF and who also wants Mr. Dreamboy for a long time, who broke up with Bitchy Ex-GF recently. Complicated much?

Set B
Ms. Pretty has never had a boyfriend all her life though she's got plenty of suitors she never quite found "the one" among them. She works in this company for almost three years when she noticed Mr. Office Romance. It's been quite a while since they work on different floors. As they got to know more of each other in office outings and parties she felt something about him. She finally found someone she wants to give the honor of being her first boyfriend - the only thing going against her is her conservative and traditional ways of courtship and she will never allow herself to bend the rules and court Mr. Office Romance. He wasn't courting him either but he's been showing signs that he digs her like sweet talk, text messages about love, treating her well (he's quite stingy!) and more. Which left her confuse and perplexed every time. He's hot, then he's cold he's yes and then he's no... you get the drill. Our ever hopeless romantic was holding on despite of that until she finally received news that he already has a girlfriend from her co-workers! Up until this day she hasn't had the guts to confront Mr. Office Romance about it and neither did he had the balls to tell her if the news is true. But nosy and rumor mongers in the office confirm it to be real.

Set C
Last year Ms. Glamorous was dumped by Mr. Bartender after dating for almost a year of some pathetic reason that's just means he's a coward. Brokenhearted and lost, she turned to the comfort of her friends. There she met Mr. Oil Tycoon, friend of her friends, whom she was smitten because she was reminded of a crush from childhood. Mr. Oil Tycoon was also captured by her radiance and charm. At the same time he was also vulnerable because his long distance relationship for half a decade already has been rocky. So they were introduced and got to know each other and even went out on dates - even though he did not officially end the fractured bond and the same time Ms. Long Distance didn't even know about it. It continued and continued to the point of deepening connections. Ms. Glamorous was becoming ambivalent. He tells her he likes but couldn't put up a brave front to face and talk with Ms. Long Distance. She knows it wrong but the passion just takes over. It continued more. Let's say she became an adulteress. Finally her conscience overpowered her and then she confronted him but still he couldn't do the right thing. He just keeps on saying that he wants her but just couldn't end it with Ms. Long Distance. Ms. Glamorous couldn't take it anymore so she dropped him instead and got affected by it. She immersed herself in work until she met Mr. Multi Millionaire who treats her like a queen and was a guy that's so different from previous boyfriends. They became romantically involved then she got over Mr. Oil Tycoon. Now one year later, the wheel of fate turned. Mr. Oil Tycoon was dumped by Ms. Long Distance since they couldn't keep it alive anymore. When he checked Ms. Glamorous profile page that she is already in an amazing relationship his quest of winning her back just faded. It's his turn to get hurt, depressed and was really affected  by Ms. Glamorous labelling him so yesterday. He' s sulking but of course as a guy he doesn't show it much. He is always pondering on the could've beens and would've beens. Meet Ms. Passive-Aggresiva, sometimes annoying sometimes pathetic sometimes aloof who I suspect has the hots for Mr. Oil Tycoon as evidence gathered by moi that's will definitely reveal their identities if posted here. If only Mr. Oil Tycoon has the same feelings for her. Sorry, honey. Lesson learned: Karma's a bitch, payback hurts!

Set D
Ms. Longing and Mr. Genius had some form of special bond that didn't really move forward. It was MU - as so popular during those times. Then college came. She got hurt because he just left her hanging, no explanations at all. It started Ms. Longing's efforts of trying to get over him which was highlighted by the string of men, hook-ups and cover up relationships. She dealt with whiny, abusive, neurotic and even psychotic men and still her heart longs for Mr.Genius. Badly bruised and beaten and her world is already muddled by the color of abandonment. Eight years later due to a secret blind date set up by a mutual close friend they rekindled their love after and finally after 8 years, 96 months, 4992 weeks, 34,944 days, 838, 656 hours they are officially together as meant to be from the start. I wish them both the best! Good things indeed come to those who wait and first love never dies. Ms. Longing have never been this happy her whole life!

Set E
For three years now Ms. Sweetheart and Ms. Gentleman are in a perfect relationship that's clearly both fair and compromising. She loves him and he treats her nice. The only rain on the perfect parade is Daddy and Mommy of Ms. Sweetheart still doesn't know after all this time. All they know is he's still courting. To hide themselves well Mr. Gentlemen have became a cousin, a classmate and even a gay associate when spotted and confronted my both parents and relatives alike. Only time will "tell"...

Set F
The On and Off Couple composed of Ms. Older Girl and Mr. Younger Boy (age gap = 4 years) have been fighting and making up almost every month for the past two years due to reasons that will be deemed immature. Last time I check they had an awesome V-Day date and before that a fight because Mr. Younger Boy wasn't given enough attention.. Looks like Katy Perry's inspiration for one of her songs.

Set G
Ms. Neurotic is dating Mr. Entrepreneur, a very patient and understanding person for three years now. Still she couldn't shake off thinking of Mr. Whiny Patheticus who was a very close friend whom she developed feelings for which trashed her heart and changed forever she handles relationship. But Mr. Whiny Patheticus wsa also showing signs that gave her hope and perseverance. The only difference is he didn't personally admit. All of those were results of keen observations and eavesdropping. By now she has realized that Mr. Whiny Patheticus wasn't really for her but still she can't stop thinking and reminiscing about him in some days - the non-existent birthday and Christmas present, the no show at her bash, the conversations and fights together. A lot has happened and still she couldn't somehow manage to bury the hatchet. She loves Mr. Entrepreneur and knows he takes good care of her but she is waiting for the day that Mr. Whiny Patheticus will come back from the greener pastures he explored two years ago so that she can finally get the answer to all her questions that's swimming in her mind that's apparently beginning to seep to her subconscious. One answer or one facial reaction is all she needs...

And in the tradition of Gossip Girl, my friends, XOXO, I'll never tell...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Ends and Beginnings

This week will be the last one of normalcy and routine. For 10 months that means, small group discussion, junior clerkship, reading at the library with naps in between and basically the last few days of us being students, come this April, we will be interns.

Everyone is hoping that they will make it but at the same time dreading it due to its huge demands, unreasonable hours, unpredictable situations and stress and lack of sleep. I have never been this ambivalent towards something. When Junior Year started, I was the only ballsy student looking forward, eager to start and secretly wishing that third year would just be skipped. After all, we have to go through it anyways. The moment you enrolled yourself in med school it is inevitable. Like death. It's a crucial stage in any one's quest to be a physician. You can't be a doctor if you can't complete one year of grueling, mind bending, back breaking, eye popping training. Package inclusive of sleepless nights monitoring morbid patients that might die any hour due to fate or negligence, finger spasms due to countless histories and progress notes of gazillion patients, discharge summaries, shouts, insults and harsh comments from underpaid and overworked residents any time day or night and most of all lost of normal routine of physiological existence - skipping meals and forgetting the feeling of waking up after a wonderful night's sleep.

As it draws near, I can wait and I am concocting up ideas of how to derail fate from beginning. But then I realize it's unstoppable. So I surrendered and let go. Hence every since I did as I've mentioned in a previous post I've been living and cherishing every moment of this borrowed time that will soon be taken away. Then when it will be returned I'll never be the same again. Scarred and haggard, abuse and over challenged but I am hoping that I will be a stronger person and a better practitioner. In the end all those obstacles that were overcame have given me something in returns. That's all I'll look forward to at the end of this ordeal.

***

Ma and Pa's 25th Wedding Anniversary Renewal of Vows will be in a week. Last Sunday, it was the end of my anxiety as it was confirmed that we will be wearing Barongs. I can't even begin to explain why I have this personal aversion to donning it. My twisted brain associates with Halloween. All I need is gruesome make-up and cotton balls at my huge nostrils then I'll be nominated for Best in Costume. I wanted to wear a suit or a blue long sleeved shirt with a silver tie and a Fedora hat. Since my parents are traditional and conservative they opted for Barong. So I again gave up and secretly cringed at the thought. Man, they are freaking expensive! 3,000 php! I have no choice but to get on with it.

***

I haven't been watching any TV shows lately. Haven't downloaded any new movies from torrent of updated my iPod play list.

If ever I do watch TV, I am so addicted to MYX Backtraxx every 11.30 pm. It relaxes me reminiscing the good ol' days since right now they are featuring 90's videos 3 - 4 times a week. Music hits from high school mostly which were dear to my heart. I get nostalgic more than usual. It's like those videos literally bring be back in time and I remember vividly of what I was doing that time when those songs were overplayed on TV or on the radio. Talk about waste of brain gigabytes! One time they even played songs from college, which I still think was not so long ago but the videos like Milkshake by Kellis and Cry Me a River from Justin Timberlake surprisingly had a feeling that they were old. And if I don't like the play list set I just go to Maxx and watch Attack of the Show, a lifestyle program that features movies, Internet sites and mainly gadgets. I am not a techie boy but I get a kick out listening to features regarding digital cameras and games and the hosts Kevin and Olivia are so fun because they are so game!

***
I've been buying books lately but not as much as I used to. I think I managed to buy one to two books per month - at discounted or really cheap prices and yes, I admit I still didn't have time to open most of them. As much as I wanted to read books after exams or during clinics after progress notes, my incompetent brain could not keep up so I end up sleeping or watching a movie at home instead or web surfing. Last month I bought (finally) Blindness by Jose Saramago and PostSecret, mini coffee table book both of which I got 20% off the original price. This month I bought Peace Breaks Out by John Knowles for 30 php and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist for 269 php. The latter book I contemplated for a month before getting it but heck this will be worth it anyway since I can read this in 4 hours or so. I gave in.

My group mates from Clinics started reading books. Since Surgery is a relatively less stressful rotation, they've been bringing books to read. What flatters me most of all (yup, a little narcissistic here) is they asked me for recommendations. I lent The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger and told them to buy Dear John by Nicholas Sparks and of course they loved it! They even ask for more wonderful books to read. Hey I can do this for a living mate! I even gave them advises on where and when to buy to maximize and get your moneys worth when it comes to books! And to think I was doing the emo trip thinking I was the most boring person in class since I don't play DOTA and poker like the other boys do and I don't party and go out as much like the other girls like before. I prefer getting cozy up in my bed watching a foreign film or reading a book or a magazine Monday nights after exams.

***
At the same time, summer is coming! It's about to start! My other favorite time of the year after Christmas. At least that something to look forward to aside from getting freaked out by internship. I have to hit the beach or else I'll go crazy! I will finally pursue a crash course in Yoga and making up for lost time with friends by making them scrapbooks. Plus I will bake banana muffins and learn simple Filipino dishes. Yikes hopefully I don't have any extensions

***
I want to take the Pedia repeat written exam already to get this over with and failing the practical exam in which you did well just annoys me. I want to be done with it already and ace it! I am so not gonna be a pediatrician in this lifetime. Sorry guys!

***
I met up with a classmate from high school yesterday to settle the plan group T-shirt we want. I really really want our Group Clinics T shirt to be printed for it will be a souvenir of the good times learning together. I am excited! Hopefully we can get it next week or during finals week.

***
And those are the things that I am preoccupied with that I find significant. The rest are just attempts in trying to sleep and suppress anxieties that I think need pharmacological intervention already.  Yup and trying not to be melodramatic again and again and again....

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Borrowed Time

I've been sick of myself lately. Though I've bounced back from vacation mode right after the memorably wild Sinulog weekend, after that I felt like I've been more melodramatic than usual and at the same time I've been evolving slowly and surely into the great procrastinator, a trait that I don't want to bring to internship for it will surely spell doom for the intern. I've been arriving at school late for the lectures and sometimes skipping case conferences, reading chapters seriously at around Thursday night (which reminds me that I shouldn't be blogging and ranting). Worst of all my immune system is ineffective. I just recovered from the flu and I am sneezing like a blowtorch since this morning and I am pretty much concerned that I would get another strain of the flu again cause that would suck big time!



Since two weeks ago, I've felt like I've been living on borrowed time. Not that I have a terminal illness, God forbid, but I am already prematurely mourning the lost of time and sense of self come this April. This remaining pre-internship days. In similar aspect to Veronika from the Coehlo novel, it's like I am cherishing every moment, each precious moment because I already have an idea that this will be taken all away in less that 8 weeks. Kind of like Veronika when she was told that she will die soon, she then began to let go of all inhibitions and enjoy her remaining days here on Earth. Well this is indeed proof that I am over reactive and overacting at times. But I do feel this way.



So the past two weeks, I've been doing things that I really like. Of course, the dedicated, diligent pupil in me couldn't abandon my readings but since then I learned to balance fifty-fifty. So far it works and man, I don't want to jinx it.



I partied wild and crazy during the Sinulog, I rode the Edgecoaster and Club Ultima and had a high literally and figuratively while walking above 36 floors, made up sleep and just pretty much tried to evoke a semi-Zen state, constantly reminding myself to relax and hoping that everything will be alright.



I also made a list to do before internship starts, among them include Yoga classes and making scrapbooks while reading the long overdue books stashed bed side and in the closet and get our group shirt in the Clinics printed. Another event I am anticipating is Ma and Pa's 25th Wedding Anniversary. I expected a celebration or maybe they'd travel together as originally planned, but I never saw this coming. They will be renewing their vows in a garden ceremony overlooking the city on the 19th this month. Oh well, I love them so much that whatever makes them happy I have to do it. Even if it means staying up the whole night after the party because I still have a final exam on the next day. That's the challenge. But I know it would be totally worth it because that celebration signifies 25 years of love, understanding and happiness. Kudos to my parents for starting from scratch to being able to send four kids to school - three already done with college. I wish that I don't have to wear barong though. Not my type.

And right now I am not making any plans for summer yet - nothing definite but I still have Plan A's. I am hoping that I don't have any extensions so I could enjoy and just sleep and relax and eat.

As it nears, the more anxious and apprehensive I get.

But I know for sure that I will surely make the best of this "borrowed time".