Year Ender

2011. What a year. I really can't describe it in one word or even one sentence. But I can divide it in four parts just like the usual quarter but the number of months are not equal. I would say that I both have an equal share of happy and sad days, battled intrapersonal issues and faced anxiety head strong, this time no longer avoiding it like I'm playing dodge ball.

The First Part: January to April

Riding from the awesomeness of 2010, I started the year with positive vibes yet with a pinch of anxiety and uncertainty. However because I was still high from the previous year I did not let that impending feeling get to me and I was also distracted from the busy and exhausting duty days of OB-Gyne. But that was the time I really learned a lot and polished my skills and know how of the said subject. Sinulog came and it was epic! We got drunk in the rain and partied like any Sinulog reveler would - hardcore.

To distract myself, I usually go out for a movie or just watch one at home or go out, drink and play Trivia with my friends - both old and new.

March, my biggest triumph was changing other people's perception of me. Then the summer came. I knew it will be that last, I just don't know why, but despite the aborted yet promised summer getaway with my medical school barkada, I rebounded by spending a memorable summer with my fellow post graduate interns which consisted of a road trip to Mantayupan falls, the glamorous Mafia Wars themed photo shoot, a medical mission in Pilar, Camotes with a stop over at Ormoc City, karaoke after party and a day of island hopping.

And yes, PGI year ended with a high note. And I started to miss my eleven colleagues whom I got to know really really well.

The Second Part: May to July

This has been the most boring period of my life thus far. All I did was eat, study, eat, study, eat and sleep. Life became so routine that I had to spice it up by working out and restricting calories in my diet. It resulted to losing ten pounds and looking like an emaciated malnourished kid. I'd sometimes occasionally sneak out to have a night of carefree fun or by watching movies. This was the slowest part of the year. Enough said. And yes I also had a sort of falling out with some closest friends but right now we are fixing it now. And one month before my exams unfortunately some drama has risen and threatened to destroy something important but I fought back and every thing is at least almost back to normal, it seems.

The Third Part: August to September

This was the turning point. August came and I took the board exams and passed. The feeling of euphoria cannot be quantified by any scale. It lasted for about two weeks. I took a flight to Manila, pigged out, walked around, finally went to Bicol and tried wakeboarding in Camarines Sur and saw Mayon Volcano in Albay up close. When the euphoria died down, it was replaced by an even greater anxiety of magnanimous proportions. I was so overwhelmed and at the same time disappointed of some circumstances that were not in my control. As a result I relapsed back to binge eating, imbibing too much alcohol and felt so lost to the point that I don't know what to to do or how to move forward.

September came and the anxiety continued. I turned to hanging out with my trivia buddies, documentaries on TV, music, booze and sleeping late to get me through the day and week. I was engulfed by the fear of the uncertainty and being broke. I had my oath taking and did not even bring my parents to the event because at that time I did not feel worthy. The weekend after the ceremony, I traveled with my good friend Rona to Cagayan de Oro City and Bukidnon and that did wonders. It cleared my head and I finally was able to shake off all the bad vibes. I went back to Cebu after a weekend of motorcycle ridin', ziplinin', zorbing, and white water raftin' with a new perspective. Then I got a job.

The Fourth Part: October to December

And I finally started working which was swell. I regained my self esteem back and distracted my self while working. I met new and interesting people as well. I now know how it feels to be working for a good for nothing agency which does not give our paychecks on time. But still I stuck around because there was no other option and I had some freedom as well despite the maltreatment. Then the hospital I applied for a residency called and I took the examinations. And still waiting for results of whether I got in or not. And because of this the anxiety, self-doubt and uncertainty came back with a vengeance. This time I felt like a loser, made for myself a low maintenance comfort zone.

November came and I continued pretending. There were some days in which I had to drag my ass out of bed, put on a smile for everyone but deep inside I was feeling empty and unfulfilled. Alcohol filled the gap two to three times a week. I've embodied self confidence yet my heart was self loathing.

For the holidays I began to change and saw the silver lining of what I have been going through. Through family, close friends and a very close friend whom I've had a talk who was and is currently in the same state as me made me realize there is indeed more to life. And the year ended with a bang, as I've had the time of my life during my tenth year high school reunion. It made me realize how good to be alive and for that I should be thankful.

Overall if this year were plotted on a graph, the contrast between the highs and the lows will result in a scattered diagram. It was indeed a colorful year and maybe I did not love it as much as 2010 because not every thing I wanted went my way. For 2010 I did not even summon the Universe to conspire with me it was just given. But right now I am in my late twenties and I should be more open to possibilities, just take it easy and just relax. Enjoy life. Splurge a bit. And just wait, in God's time, it will happen. Every time I am threatened by failure I shouldn't dig a hole and curl up in fetal position. And I should stop comparing myself to other people. I will try my hardest. I am also disappointed at myself for not completing my bucket list. I made ten last summer but I was only able to do four. I lost my zest for it. I will try to complete it this year. And add more.

I will not do any resolutions as I've learned that you can just do one anytime of the year, not necessarily on the first day of the year. I am looking forward to a better, brighter and more awesome 2012 cheers!

Inspired by Stephen King, here are my Top 20 of the Year (A mix of music, movies, TV and pop culture), in random order.

1.) Foster The People and their "Torches" Album
2.) Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
3.) Mildred Pierce Mini Series
4.) Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
5.) Adele and her "21" album
6.) The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins
7.) Hidden Cities on History Channel
8.) Drive
9.) Prince William and Kate Middleton's Royal Wedding
10.) Roger Federer - for still proving to us tennis fans that he still got it!
11.) Novak Djokovic - for an amazing year in tennis, a superstar in the making
12.) Dallas Mavericks - for the best upset of the year
13.) The Kennedy's Miniseries
14.) X-Men First Class
15.) Rise of the Planet of the Apes
16.) Katy Perry and her "Teenage Dream" album
17.) Bridesmaids
18.) The Millennium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson
19.) The Hangover 2
20.) Flavored yogurts