For the past three years July has kinda sucked. I smell a pattern here. July is like the reality bitch slapping month and August has been the recovery month. July has been giving me headaches, disappointments and unwanted circumstances. She made it two in a row for me this year.
The first time it happened was about three years ago, I coped up so badly that I became a whiner, listened to Rammstein all over again and was ready to bite off anyone who annoyed or I deemed irritating for no apparent reason. The succeeding years I did better with impulsive book shopping and binge drinking.
I was suddenly caught off guard with whirlwind drama this month - I just don't want to divulge it here. Let's just say its some left over drama at home that has been reopened and overwhelming petty conflicts among friends that left me a little bit guilty of the nature of the incident. And not to mention the drift apart among friends from different crowds continued. All of these incapacitated me for a day but instead of moping around I gave myself less than twenty fours to take it all in -whimper silently, prayed for peace and let out a good emotional cry. Then I was back on track.
Though wanting July to be over means that judgment day also known as the greatest exams of my life thus far will be nearer, I think it will be worth it. It is inevitable anyway and I just need a fresh start desperately.
And like the previous Augusts, I am hoping for the best that August will be excellent. I will make it sure that August will be awesome. So this year no birthday dramas for me and I'm not even planning to celebrate. I just want to spend it like I would spend any ordinary day. This August I will be enjoying back the things I missed, going back to the basics and just try to attain peace of mind. So August, better not rain on my parade, you owe me again this year!
Let me leave you with some words of wisdom from The All American Rejects: "When everything is wrong, we move along" and that's what I am doing exactly. Here's to more happy times and better days ahead!
This post is dedicated to Patient D.E. Thank you for all the learning you taught me. You have shown courage and optimism in battling terminal illness. As you have told as your life story, I have realized that we should make the best of what we have, that time is precious and it will be taken anytime, sooner that we think and love does transcend anything. You have shown grace in your ordeal. Rest in peace and I know that God will give you rest and He'll continue to look after your family.
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2 comments:
I've got a month like that myself - a time when everything seems hopeless and devoid of light. For me, it's December. I don't know why. Good luck on boards, you. You're going to kick ass.
Yes, good cries help. And after the swelling around your eyes goes down you look so refreshed... or is that just me? Hehe.
If you don't want to elaborate on your drama, maybe you could tell us about this patient D.E. who inspired you? I know I'D like to hear the story... =))
Hey KC, how are you girl. Yup for me its July, twice in a row already. anyways I always love December. Like ever since my Lola died last December 23, 2002, I made a vow to make that month awesome and ever since then it has been great. That's why I always go to parties, do a lot of fun and interesting stuff on December. Plus Cebu City is very well alive during December and it continues into January.
Yup crying is a good release. everything is okay now thanks for the concern. I talked to everyone involved and everything is fine. I just had to get it out and clear my mind with the exams looming. I can't have additional stress.
Patient DE was our patient during our Family Medicine rotation in Sotto. We got to know her intimately because she was our index case for our presentation and she had a very turbulent life with three different partners each with sons and daughters. She was diagnosed with Cervical Ca Stage 2B four years ago and she underwent Chemo and Radiation but did not finish due to financial constraints after that she stopped and then the cancer had mets so she became Stage IV. Everyday for four years she feels this hypogastric and lumbar pain but she was very optimistic and she knows that she has not all the time in the world so she is spending every time she can when she's not to sick with her kids and apos.
You know talking to someone with a death sentence really does knock a sense into you about life and living.
Ikaw musta? I check your blog every day for updates....Keep writing!
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